Sub Primer

Taraah!! I 'm bending over!!!

Continuing my dedicated background project to bring insight into a murky Bottom’s mind, I thought it would be useful to explain some of the things that Top people find…well, annoying is perhaps too strong a word for such calm and tolerant folk, I will leave it at “irritating”:

• Undue levity. Yes, believe it or not some Bottom types don’t really seem to get the general idea (see above). This can be unsettling to any but the grumpiest Top. And we are never grumpy.

ZZZzzzzzzz...

• Falling asleep during the lecture. Even worse. A sharp slap is the obvious quick fix, but it’s very hard to maintain Top dignity. Of course this has never happened to me, lately, but I recommend slipping out and later insisting she must of been dreaming – very naughty of her and a good excuse for a re-run. Try playing loud background music this time.

It's not fair!!- why my pants down and not hers?

• Appeal for justice. This is questioning a Top’s integrity and a definite no-no. Try something a bit sneaky like “oh my, was I really naughtier than [insert name]“. It won’t save your butt, but almost inevitably the bitch poor girl will get the same treatment.

Typical. Daddy even delegates spanking me to the chauffeur

•  Wearing cute red pants and having a very spankable butt. Well, this is only irritating in that a Top feels obliged to think of something naughty you’ve done, and on a regular basis. The correct approach of a dutiful Bottom in this situation is to be suitably incorrigible, though naturally no Top could possibly approve of this. Other cute pants have much the same effect, by the way.

Well that’s enough for now; don’t want to overload the blogosphere with the inevitable buzz of excitement as Bottoms argue where to buy the best red pants and who has the most spankable butt anyway. I’ll just say “Victoria’s Secrets” and modestly put myself forward for any field trials needed.

Very funny Missy, I was thinking of the butt judging bit actually. Just leave your name below.

Kant

Sorry Sir, pants don't match my tie. I'll take them off...

This is life, isn’t it dear reader? You go away, happy your blog has finally achieved that difficult balance between stimulation and refinement, then suddenly things slip. A few insightful comments about ties and pants, and then someone decides to go completely overboard. Reluctantly, once again, I have to smack a pert bottom just to maintain a sense of decorum for all concerned.

On a more serious note, my sojourn to the depths of the Indian ocean have refreshed my sense of what matters in life. There is nothing more illuminating than being eye-to-eye with a wild dolphin, ten metres down, to make you realise there are more things to life than the price of fish. A quick review of my blog and others confirmed my worst fears, already suspected; my blog is complete drivel. So, OK, this is not the end of the world. As in all things in life, the important thing is to not to be obsessed with regret, but to move on and grow. So I have resolved to stop my petty sniping, and develop some hard-earned wisdom in a series of hard-hitting yet sensitive revelations.

The more sceptical of my readers will be pleased to hear that I don’t propose to address all of the world’s outstanding issues in a single post; at least three will be needed. As anyone who is familiar with theoretical physics or teenagers will know, the most important thing is not finding the right answer, but finding the right question. An obvious resource to help in this noble quest is the hitherto under-utilised question-and-answer opportunity presented in a standard spanking scenario. To maximise the chances of enlightenment I have ruthlessly ignored the hundreds of willing but inexperienced young ladies in favour of someone who came to the door to ask directions:

So Wordsmith...where did you get those pyjamas?

Yes, I was just being polite and pointing to the right street when she turned around to look, displaying a cute and distinctly spankable bottom. What with the pearls and general air of sophistication, I couldn’t help but think she would look rather fetching lying across my knee, and would no doubt be able to contribute significantly to the dialectic I had in mind. Things progressed as follows:

Wordsmith: “Is the good life one inspired by love and guided by knowledge, as Betrand Russel suggested? Smack”

Foxy: “Ouch”

Wordsmith: “Or does Omar Khayyam sum things up better

A Book of Verses underneath the Bough,
A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread – and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness -
Oh, Wilderness were Paradise enow!

Smack!”

Foxy: “Owww!”

Wordsmith: “Or perhaps Nietzsche was right – what is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil? Smack!!”

Foxy: “Yowww!! Shit!”

Wordsmith: “Hmmm. Neither pithy nor polite, lady. Smack!!!”

Foxy: “Owww!!! Just shut up and spank me harder”

Well I know it’s hard to see any clear answer in this, but I can’t say I was disappointed by the outcome. We certainty achieved the hard-hitting bit and her bottom was definitely sensitive afterwards. Now I’ve got a thing about women who wear nothing but pearls and high heels, dammit.

On a personal note, I have always had a soft spot for Omar Khayyam. At college I felt we had a lot in common in our view of life and personal habits, being grumpy, introspective and often inebriated (bet he was pleased to hear a nineteen year old was his soul-mate, lol). I would have liked to have bought him a beer and had a chat, but him only speaking Persian and being dead nearly a thousand years made it difficult to organise.

Next week: “Does God have a Sense of Humour?” – on second thoughts, a silly question for a spankophile.

Angles

Nice try Miss, but I'm quite happy sitting here on the floor

These artistic shots always leave me with mixed feelings. It’s very clear what should be about to happen, but what the heck is this guy doing? Maybe he just dropped his strap? Or likes to lecture whilst lying on the floor? Weird. From her face, this lass clearly feels as puzzled as the rest of us. I might have to take over, perhaps the view has triggered a cardiac arrest. Understandable.

No need for a detention Sir!

Well I do have to applaud her initiative, but again have you ever tried spanking anyone from this position? Let no one say I’m not up for it though, her pink pants and tie are an irresistible call for action. Can you get this combination in Victoria’s Secrets? I’m not allowed in there anymore.

I've been very naughty...Sir

OK that’s a lot better. And you even managed to get pants and tie to match. Nice.

This will be the last post for a week or two, might just get another short one in. Following the management’s usual policy of leaving our readers insanely jealous if possible, we are about to depart for a little home-from-home in the middle of the Indian Ocean, to scuba amongst the coral reefs.

Wordsmith has left the building
…and is sidling towards Victoria’s Secrets again

Top Talk

Does my bottom look big in this?

It has often been observed that the vast majority of bottom heart-warming blogs are written by female bottoms. The sad impression one gets is of bewildering chatter, with just a few brave Tops trying to get a word in edge ways, or keep some sort of sensible perspective on things. For those who would dispute this I suggest a quick visit to Dev’s blog will quickly convince you – not only is his blog now almost completely taken over by his soul-mate bottom (who already has a blog of her own!) she invites all her impish friends to join her in trampling roughshod over any careful wise musings that he might produce. What is the reason for this dominance of the submissive? (Penguin Books, coming out shortly on the bottom shelf). I note a few comments made by others:

Yes, this is how they behave

• Such blogs are actually written by vanilla men in a cynical attempt to make money (thanks Uncle Nick, might just have misrepresented you there a lotbit, sorry). I struggle with this one myself; it’s hard to believe any male of the species could keep up this rate of chatter. May be they work parallel shifts. And of course, would they submit to the painful logic bypass needed?
• It would be interesting to read a Top’s view of things (can’t remember where I read that – please own up – but she has probably been scratched out of the bottom line for heresy) For me this is a most damning remark, because there are lots of long and very, very interesting blogs on this subject which have clearly been overlooked. This one springs to mind.
• I read somewhere that men can’t think and feel emotion at the same time, not sure I  believe it entirely. Entirely. Entirely. Nice. Not a good idea to own up this time Missy. I wonder if I can at least feel emotion and spank at the same time. Oh I can, good.

After much study I feel the underlying cause is straightforward:

• Women talk more than men, a lot more. I have got scientific statistics to prove it, but I’m guessing everybody agrees
• Bottoms talk more than Tops, except when their bottom is at the top (you can get a lot of noise though). I know why, but it’s all to do with Top and Bottom Quarks – don’t ask. Yes, these are real things. Well, as real as anything in fundamental physics. We’ll settle for just “things” shall we.
  
• The vulnerable always gather in herds for collective protection. Well, OK, fish gather in shoals etc etc, but the principle is the same - imps gather in blogs! In this way it is easier to spot a Top approaching, and if he does, it is harder for him to pick out a victim from the swirling, confusing backchat.

A dangerous place to chatter. Get to a blog, fast!

To finish off I will take to heart the comment about the reluctance of Tops to reveal and explore their motivations and feelings. I know some poor misguided bottoms think we just cruise around like sharks amongst the sofas, a steely look at the ready. The truth  is that is exactly right we are simple nurturing souls who don’t like to see anyone going astray when all that is needed is a good spanking…or two…OK several. You can’t have too much of a good thing, can you?

First detection of the Bottom Quark

Test results

Bottom spanked:check
Audio: loud and expressive
Skin tone: red, getting redder
Trial notes: Shit, we forgot to devise a method for measuring lowered naughtiness
Conclusion: Oh well keep spanking, it can’t hurt. What did you say Miss?

About Wordsmith

Yes, they're lovely Missy - but keep going

This isn’t me, in case you wondered. That would have surprised a few people, especially my wife.

Hmmm, the time has come to say something exciting and interesting about myself. I have avoided this so far, due to the inherent difficulty, but it has become fairly clear that both of my readers are getting bored of the pictures. OK, I’ve still put up a picture as I do get people (sometimes more than a thousand in a day!) who click in and out in less than a second (actually the website monitor says 0 seconds, boy they are quick). Clearly they only just have time to take in the picture, realise they’ve seen it before, and click away again. It has kept me grounded knowing my blog can be so quickly dismissed by so many people, LOL. Does this happen to everyone?

Hi there, bon voyage!!

Hopefully the bold type will catch their eye and I will get a little wave as they leave. Or maybe they are robot trawlers, harvesting images, in which case a grumpy protocol exchange is the best I can expect.

Into the postbag!

Q1 “Why do you call yourself Wordsmith? I thought it must be because you are an author or especially skilled  writer, but then I read your blog”


Yes, thank you notspankedenough of Tunbridge Wells. Clearly you were more skilled than me in choosing an appropriate blogging name. The simple answer is that it was an impulsive mistake. This blog is the first thing I have ever written (don’t think you can count software) and it wasn’t supposed to contain more than captions, words thoughtfully “hammered out”. I am thinking of changing it to avoid preconceptions – any suggestions? “Drivelsmith”. Right.

Q2 “Why do you use a picture of a little dog to represent yourself, it’s hardly Toppy”

I like little dogs, cuddleandspank. Another impulse. I have lots of those – this one was good


Q3 ”How do you find time to write your blog?”

I work from home and have my own virtual company which makes real money. Ideal really. Adding things to the blog keeps me from working too much. I used to be a senior R&D executive and travel the globe. Now I earn three times as much in my pyjamas – are you jealous or what spankiftoonosy!! No, I’m not a chatline, no-one would pay me for that (you should see my pyjamas), still R&D

Q5 “You, you, you, you, you. Do you ever show any interest in your readers?”

The post is titled “About Wordsmith”, spankmeImstupid. Just press a reaction button. Oh you can’t. Good.

Now that was plain rude. You're in big trouble...

Q6 “You’re not actually going to say anything interesting, are you? This was just a cynical exercise so you could take some cheap shots at your readers”

So, suddenly we are in on-line chat mode, thanks a bunch spankmelive. OK it’s a fair cop.